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The Face That I Have Grown

from Tantrum by dilettante

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about

This is one I wrote after reading Milan Kundera’s ‘Ignorance’ - I’m a big fan of his and for some reason this particular book really spoke to me. It felt like it was all about growing up and outgrowing people that you’ve left behind and considering who it is that you look like to the outside world. Like most of his books I can’t really remember many specifics, I just know that generally that’s how it made me feel.

I remember a lot of themes being related to the passing of time and how our ideas about home and the self and other things that might seem quite set in stone often aren’t. I guess I’m really interested in how you become who you are - is it inevitable? Is it something that you choose? How different can you really become day to day or year to year? So a lot of the lyrics are about that - I think that ultimately there’s no free will so there’s obviously no reason to think you can control your own self either. Anyway, it’s a great book so maybe just go read it!

Musically we put this crazy sax part in the end which really came out of saying what’s the most dissonant thing we can get away with here - the book certainly isn’t comforting or easily resolved and I thought why
should the track be?

lyrics

I stood there wearing the face the I had grown
I stood there staring with eyes that weren’t my own

Ah ooh, ah ooh, ah oohoohoohooh
Ah ooh, ah ooh, ah oohoohoohooh

Morning was looming but sleep refused to come
You wake up ugly and wilt beneath his thumb
He tries in vain to keep you nameless

She cannot bear it these nightmares of her own
She buys and wears it this dress of great return
It’s old and new borrowed and blue but

I’m not ready
Cheap and messy
Old confetti
Dead and buried

With mouths so open you’d think they might say more
Nasal and croaking as they revel in your flaws
I don’t condone the face that I’ve grown

credits

from Tantrum, released October 14, 2022
Vocals, Guitar, Bass, Synth, Flute, Clarinet, Sax, Cello + Percussion: Francesca Pidgeon
Additional Drums, Guitar FX + Percussion: Adam Pardey
Drums: Jack Mee
Production: Francesca Pidgeon + Adam Pardey
Mixing: Adam Pardey + Richard Formby

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dilettante Manchester, UK

'Dilettante' is an art-rock collective led by multi-instrumentalist Francesca Pidgeon and is based in Northern England. The group was born out of Francesca's fear of committing to a single line up, and is her rebound project after a long-term relationship with indie-jazz four piece ‘Kumiko’.

FFO St Vincent, Fiona Apple, tUnE-yArDs, Billie Holiday, Andy Shauf, Grizzly Bear and Radiohead. ... more

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