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Unaware

from Tantrum by dilettante

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about

This is one of my only straight up love songs. It’s about only falling for someone because they are unattainable and all the feelings that come with that. Why do I only want someone who doesn’t want me back? Amateur psychiatrists, come at me!

I don’t feel like my relationship with love is very similar to other people’s idea of it. I know I’ll never get married, I’m almost certain I don’t want children (though my 3 year old nephew is so adorable he does sometimes make me question that) and until I fell for the person I wrote this song about I really hadn’t felt much of anything for years. I liked people but I find that my perfectionistic tendencies came out when people tried to make things serious. And then I found someone who seemed totally perfect in almost every way and all I could do was hope that they would keep me at arms length so I wouldn’t find out that they weren’t perfect either. As it turns out finding out about their imperfections wasn’t a deal breaker for me but it was something I was worried would put me off for a long time.

I find that despite appearances I’m actually a massively optimistic person and that means that I’m usually disappointed when the idea of someone doesn’t measure up to the reality of them (which obviously it never can). I think that’s why I have that weird little coda at the end that’s a bit sad and unfinished. I don’t believe you can really stay in love with someone forever so I guess this tune was meant to feel dreamy and fleeting. It attempts to capture that beginning of relationship optimism that I think maybe everyone does have even though we really shouldn’t, and all the pain that also comes with it.

Initially there were no drums in this one but I really enjoy that subby kick drum that comes in on the second verse now - Adam knocked that up in the studio when we were mixing with Richard (Formby) and we felt it needed a change of pace. It’s sort of meant to be a heartbeat (a little on the nose I know) that keeps the song ticking along, until it doesn’t.

lyrics

Spent my Sunday getting sweaty
Halfway through July already
Let me know if you find out
What lies behind my stupid mouth

And you still make me feel like I’m an amateur
But aren’t we all don’t
Know if there’s a point in being all I can
When all I am is dirt

Is your silence like a siren
Or are you as drunk as I am?
I’ve seen far too many brides
To ever want a simple life

Knew you’d be the one to catch me
Unaware and make me care I
Can’t go on when I am waiting
Half the month for you to come back

Want what I can’t have it’s getting
Hard to speak without regretting
I’ve confused love with obsession
Knew I’d need someone to get me
On my toes and keep me guessing
Love that you don’t want me but don’t
Know if you’re a curse or blessing
Here

credits

from Tantrum, released October 14, 2022
Vocals, Guitar, Synths, Flute + Clarinet: Francesca Pidgeon
Sequencing: Adam Pardey
Production: Francesca Pidgeon + Adam Pardey
Mixing: Adam Pardey + Richard Formby

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dilettante Manchester, UK

'Dilettante' is an art-rock collective led by multi-instrumentalist Francesca Pidgeon and is based in Northern England. The group was born out of Francesca's fear of committing to a single line up, and is her rebound project after a long-term relationship with indie-jazz four piece ‘Kumiko’.

FFO St Vincent, Fiona Apple, tUnE-yArDs, Billie Holiday, Andy Shauf, Grizzly Bear and Radiohead. ... more

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